...and then I woke up...

I remembered waking up very groggy... and having to move beds...

As I came to again, I was trying to think of what time it was, and if they called my mom to let her know that I was alive... :) ( because I am sweet like that!) But the only thing that would come outta my mouth was dry, voiceless scream... you know in your dreams when your about to be killed or hurt and your running, but you're not moving or screaming and nothing is coming out? like that. But much worse... This was real life... and someone was trying to murder me... I could feel everything that they moved on the inside, every cut that they did on the outside, by far the worst experience of my entire life. A nurse then came and told me that they were giving me some morphine for the pain.. and to just wait a minute, Lets call this nurse DEVIL ( which, may be a little harsh, I have a lot of respect for nurses, they get a lot of slack... I do believe this is why nurses sometimes have a bad rap, from nurses like Devil) So, Devil kept telling me to hold on, to hold on, to hold, on, honestly I wanted to punch her in the face hug her, and thank her for giving me some meds to take away the pain. Once that was gone, I went back to sleep... I got woken up to take my blood pressure, which was super high, REALLY HIGH.. (I guess thats normal after an operation) I had an oxygen mask on aswell.. I kept taking it off because it was really annoying, so finally they gave me oxygen in my nose. which was much better.
I kept watching the clock because my surgery was 3-4 hours, and I would be in recovery for 1-2 hours... So by 1-2 pm I would be up in my room with my sister and blake... and I had to pee... bad... real bad.
time kept ticking... and no one was taking me to my room... I guess they didn't have anyone to wheel me up there... ( I know WTF right? in my line of work.. do it yourself, but for whatever reason, they can't) I would ask for more morphine every 1/2 an hour, just so I would never feel that pain again.

Devil comes by and has to draw some blood... this is a very big thing for me, I hate needles and I know where my "good" vein is, I have had trouble giving blood before, and getting iv's usally they have to give iv's to me in my foot. But Devil wouldn't listen to me. She poked me once in my "inner elbow" ... nothing.. poked me again, nothing... poked me again... NOTHING. moved to the inside of my forearm, poked me.. nothing and said "oops. thats going to leave a bruise." I then screamed, another nurse came over, let's call her, Angel. she held my hand. the nurse finally got one on my hand, but it took her 10 pokes. Devil.

I told Angel that I had to pee, and since she had no idea when I would be going to my room, she said that I should use a bed pan... I didn't want too, but what do I have to be ashamed of now? the very handsome Dr. Klein has seen me in the buff, with his surgical team.. so, wtf.. might aswell, and it's not like it's uncommon. So I used the bedpan... and it was ok, I would say not the most embarrassing moment of my life either. The best part is that Devil had to come in to get it. I was really hoping she would spill it on herself.

Quickly after that, Jane, came into see me, but I don't remember much.. until they told me I would be going up to my room.

Day of...

Well... I usually work at 5am, so having to be up and ready for 5am, isn't a big deal to me, just an everyday occurrence.

So my surgery was scheduled for 8am, at Humber River hospital in Toronto, So we had to be out of my house at 4:28am to pick Jane up at 4:32am and be on our way...

Once we got to the hospital, we were quite early, so we got a really good parking space! We went right up to the 5th floor... I got changed into 2 very stylish gowns, one for the front, one for the back... :) lol... booties and just in-case I had any sex appeal left... one for my head.. LOL.

We waited for a bit, once I got registered the nurse called me back very quickly, to run through all of the pre operation questions, the usual, I am assuming... Last period? any meds? do you drink? do you smoke? do you use street drugs? when was the last time you ate? 3 fucking weeks ago She then told us to go back to the waiting room because they will be taking me downstairs at 7:30... So we sat there for what seemed to be 6 hours... then it was 7:30 and they came and got us... walked us downstairs where I got to meet my anesthesiologist, who was about the size of one of the twins, and super cute and friendly, Jane let her know that I was a nervous nelly and that I was scared of the BURNING when they put the medicine in for you to go to sleep... My nurse came to get me... and took me to a huge white operating room which was very intimidating...big tv screen, lots of lights, tools, nurses... I had to take off my back gown, as I stood there with my ass exposed to the entire surgical team that would be working on me... they ask me to lay down... I just remember thinking that, aslong as I can wake up from this, I will be able to get through anything... she then gave me some gas.. ( I think ) and I remember my doctor, Dr. Klein, coming in and saying a quick "hi".

Thats the last thing I remember...

...day before...

Well Monday July 19th was the day before my schedule gastric bypass... I felt that the three previous weeks, flew by... which was alarming since I have been on the worst pre op diet ever invented... Opti Fast - it's a meal replacement meant to shrink your liver so that when doing the surgery they will not harm your organs. ( but, I am sure, that is very 'dumbed' down ) I was sick of everything I was allowed to eat by then, celery, broccoli, lettuce, Jello 0 and cucumbers... so sick of them, still the thought makes me gag.

I credit me being able to get through my 3 weeks of opti fast to my beautiful sista sista Jane, who had taught me, that if you make it with ice and water it is bearable... I enjoyed some of it.. I must admit.. and working at Timmies, I put some flavor shots in from our sure shot flavor shot machine which mixed it up a little adding a little zest!

blah blah ...blah. what I thought was going to be the worst 3 weeks of my life, ended up not being as bad as I had thought.. yay!

Since my surgery has such a high mortality rate 1:200, AHHHHHH!! I ask my super talented friend over at the mommyproject (peatreephotography) if she would mind taking some before pictures of me, you know... 'just in case' I figured that I would be one of the 199, The tests that the doctors do on you before pretty much rule out any chance of something going wrong, however, there is still a risk, and I would hate for my wedding pictures to be the last photographs that anyone had of me... I hated my make up, my hair, the pictures, but that is a story for a different day. So Miss peatreephotography agreed to take some pictures of me, and well.. I always thought I was a tad vein, I believe I am a pretty girl, and Miss peatreephotography did me justice, please head over to check them out, she also has an amazing blog... http://www.peatreephotography.com/blog/ you may notice my baby, Homer on her website, he is a model... What can I say, it runs in the family.

So the night before... I was nervous.. part of me wanted just to run to mcdonalds and give up... part of me wanted to cry and part of me wanted to just bitch at everyone that I came into contact with.. Well.. the last part of me, is what I ended up doing... LOL.. lucky, they understood... I got my bag packed, a house coat, slippers, jammies, tooth brush and paste, hair brush, a mini dvd player with the first 2 seasons of sex and the city and some movies... and my iphone, I can't leave home with out that.

I went to bed...

Happy Canada Day!

Happy Canada Day everyone!! :)

July ... July ... JULY ALREADY!! WTF... I am feeling that July just crept up on us... I mean, where the heck did June go?

well since July is here... that means that my surgery is this month! July 20th!! So in preperation for that I am on a liquid diet, called optifast... its a meal replacement drink that I have to drink 4 times a day. I can also have up to 2 cups of celery, broccoli, green peppers, lettuce and cucumbers... I have to do this to shrink my liver before surgery.